Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. –Jeremiah 29: 12-14
I’m not sure if there’s a true right way or wrong way to
come to You. I keep hearing that maybe there is…? I’m not sure as I’m unsure of
a lot of things in my life right now, everything but You. I come the only way I know how that feels right to me. I just…come to talk to You. I should probably seek
these conversations with You more often and I find shame in my inadequacies
even though I know I will never be perfect. I feel like You have always been
there, even when I couldn’t feel You. The times where I felt like I was alone,
I didn’t have to be if I had just sought Your warm embrace. I’m learning that
so much of this is about choices we make. You allow your children to make
decisions, even if they’re the wrong ones, but You’re there to pick up the
pieces, no questions asked. For that I am forever indebted, forever love You,
forever want You with me because there is nothing if there is no You.
I feel I have failed You in some way and often times I feel
like I have failed You all the time. I’m lost, Father. I’m lost and I don’t
want to be lost anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I think I’ve
finally realized that I’ve been floating through life, stumbling onto different
paths here and there with no thought to the direction I intended to follow.
Please guide me, please direct me to my purpose. Nothing feels right, nothing
goes right and I think it’s because I’m not fulfilling my purpose in life. We’re
all called to do something? You have given each of us different gifts to harness.
I just want to feel whole and complete. I know I will forever grow and gain
wisdom with age, but to be complete is to have an inner peace that stills the
resolve of any troubled man or woman.
Happiness seems fleeting and so I seek You above all else. I
ache for You to fill any and all voids. I put all things in Your hands because
I am weary from trying to do it on my own with my own understanding. My own
understanding will get me nowhere. I know my faith in You has not faltered. I
worry, but I know that in the end everything turns out as it should and
everything has its purpose and reason for coming to pass.
I’m humbled by my shortcomings. I strive to live my life according
to the teachings of Your word. You are worthy of more than I could ever say or
do. You are light when there is dark. You are happiness where there is sorrow.
You are strength when there is weakness. You are life where there is death. I
thank You for Your mercy. I thank You for the blessings already received and
for the protection from harm given to me and for all that You will still do
even though I don’t deserve it.
I release all problems and situations beyond my control to
you that I may unburden my heart and soul. I need to learn how to let go of
that which is not for me to fix and ask for the gift of discernment to know for
what I am to act. I feel like I’m lighter and getting all of this off my chest is
something I should have done a long time ago, but I know I’m still a work in
progress and with that, I’m drained.
In Jesus name…Amen.
A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. – Psalm 63:1