New Month, Who This?

Why does this keep happening?! Lol I have no idea, but it's been months! Why can't I be consistent with this whole writing thing? This is what happens when you neglect your blog. I come back to see the template I was using has vanished! I've spent the better part of last night trying to tweak the look of the blog. It's still a work in progress...but I digress. 

I've been living, y'all. Changed my views on London, fell in love with Paris, had a couple dates and what not, had a couple setbacks, bounced back, got a year older, and planned a couple more trips. And here I am months upon months later without a written word. In other words, life has been happening. 

But I'm here with pen and paper, transcribing everything onto a computer screen when I'm done. There's just something about writing on pieces of paper, ink bleeding across the lines of the pages. Words seem to flow easier. 

Often I find myself here when I'm yearning for the universe to align itself with the desires of my heart. It's an infinite mystery, not ever having what you secretly desire the most. I want this, but I really, really want that too. You get one, but not the other. Why? What cosmic order has decided that it's not to be? *shrugs* 

I always get reflective. Normally receding into the background, out of sight, out of mind to reflect in solitude and reassess situations. I just go into myself and fall off for a minute. However, I'm back and I'm better, as Bryson Tiller would croon. 

In other news, I've unearthed another snippet I wrote some time many moons ago. I'll probably post that over the weekend. If it doesn't happen though, don't hold it against me.

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From Across the Room

He walked through the door, her eyes found him. Knots tightened in her stomach. 

Butterflies waltzed here and there.

She had waited all night to see him.

Flushed skin, sweaty palms, but she never left her spot. 

Rooted in place, no moves made.

She had waited all night to see him.

Eyes locked. A heart skipped a beat. Smiles of recognition. 

He's headed in her direction.

She had waited all night to see him.

Engulfed in his arms, her eyes closed tightly. Hands slid around him, holding firmly. She could smell his cologne. 

She had waited all night to see him.

A jolt of reality. His arms are gone, the warmth fading. 

He's moved on in the crowd. 

She had waited all night to see him.

A dimly lit room, but still her eyes could find him. 

He's working the room. His smile is dazzling. He's charming. 

She had waited all night to see him.

She watched intently. She wondered if only she said something witty, would he still be beside her. Coulda, shoulda, wouldas dancing through her mind. 

She had waited all night to see him.

Unnoticed now. Maybe unwanted. He's forgotten her and her smile as the night drummed on. But she had waited all night to see him, rooted in the same spot from across the room.

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The Year in Review

“Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free.” Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

2015 is most definitely in the rearview mirror now and what a year it was. My social life exploded in the last few weeks leading to the end of 2015 and has continued to be a flurry of activity into 2016. I’ve been meaning to post this blog for weeks, but I’ve literally become the social butterfly my zodiac sign is known for. I could not have predicted the tide of events that transpired up to this very moment in time. I feel like I ended the year on a high and I surfed the high tide into 2016. I’m starting to feel a sense of clarity and things are beginning to somewhat click.

For all the highs, I had some lows last year, points where I wasn’t sure if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t see a clear way out of the black hole I was free falling through. In many ways, last year was an extension of the last few years. I felt like I was in limbo with a sense of uncertainty about absolutely every aspect of my life. Knowing you’re a shell of the person you were and trying to find your way back is beyond frustrating and it makes trying to figure out the labyrinth of life difficult. The process has been draining and unnerving. For someone whose emotions stay fairly in check, the onslaught of emotional energy was more than a little overwhelming.

As I leave 2015 behind, much of the baggage I’ve collected has been discarded. I feel alive. I can breathe. I’m starting to feel like me again and I’ve missed me dearly. I’m ready to tackle whatever comes my way with a renewed sense of self. There’s nothing like feeling you’re whole.

Last year, I wanted to travel more and I set out to do just that. I want that trend to continue. The goal this year is to live more freely. As a result of things that have happened in the past, my guard is up full force. I’m not skeptical, per say, but I’m definitely not open to allowing people into my world. I need to let go and have more fun. I’ve had so many valuable experiences just in the last few weeks by just living in the moment, letting go, and having fun with life. I can only hope that things keep progressing in this direction because I like my world view from this vantage point.   

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I was Chosen. I was Wanted. I was Cherished.

“She wasn't tracking down her father to learn more about him. She was tracking him down to learn more about herself.” 
― Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle

I’ve known I was adopted since I was 5. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I felt special because I was picked out of all the children that my parents could have taken home with them. It was me they fell in love with. My parents are truly the best, not because they gave me life, but because they chose to raise me through a life time knowing they hadn’t created me. And for me, that’s the ultimate showcase of love. I am eternally blessed because of them.

As I sit here in the early hours after Christmas Day, I’m once again brought back to the topic of finding out information about my biological family. I’ve never been too bothered about finding anything out. I’ve been down this road twice before and never really pursued it further than getting forms to fill out that would start the post adoption services process. But, after a discussion in a group I’m a part of where the topic was unsuspectingly dating someone, like a cousin, that you don’t know you’re related to, it dawned on me that I could unknowingly find myself in that situation.

Who am I? Where do I come from? What is my heritage? Every so often, something happens that triggers me wanting to get the ball rolling on this whole biological family search. Yesterday it was a group discussion. A few years ago, a guy I was seeing asked me what I was mixed with to which I bestowed upon him a look of bewilderment.

My dad gave me the name of the adoption agency they used. Post adoption services seem so daunting to me and they really shouldn’t be and the fees seem like a deterrence, especially for those who may not have the funds to pay for it all. It seems like it could be a lengthy, time intensive process.  At the very least you should be given the documents with the biological parents information. I’ll be honest, the fee schedule has been a large part of why I’ve stalled out on this. When I first looked into post adoption services back towards the end of my undergraduate study, I wasn’t in a position to pay multiple fees associated with obtaining information. So, my urge to know fizzled and then it fizzled again 4 years later, and now here I am again. Seems like I never follow through. In Texas, you’re required to have at least one hour of counseling too. I can see why counseling would be required and encouraged, but what if you literally just want to know health information with no intention of reconnecting with your biological family? Knowing whether or not the possibility of developing diabetes or high blood pressure or cancer is running through your veins is important.

Trying to process the idea of obtaining information, receiving correspondence from biological family members or meeting them is overwhelming. Hell, maybe I do need to talk to a counselor first. I love my parents and I don’t have any issues of abandonment, resentment, or any other negative feeling one might associate with being told about being adopted. I’ve had a great life with a mom and dad who love me. I didn’t want for anything and still don’t. If I need it, they will figure out a way to make it happen. They are the best parents a girl could have.

I don’t need the counselor to help me through anything I might feel about being adopted, I need the counselor to help me process what I’m about to do. Part of me feels like I’m opening Pandora’s box. I actually refer to my biological mother as the egg donor. Obviously, I’m grateful, but questions I haven’t had before may start to surface. Like, why? And I’ve never really cared to know the answer to that question or wanted to know. 

I like to think that I wouldn’t be overly emotional about all this, but now, I’m not so sure. I almost feel like I might be an emotional wreck because I’m confronting something I haven’t really ever thought about and that makes me feel extremely on edge. Like, what does it mean that I might have other siblings? And do I want to integrate them into my life? Do they want to integrate me? Would they be upset? But, don’t I have a right to know what my heritage is? What are my roots?

I may fizzle out, yet again. 

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When You Wish Upon A Star

“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” – The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

I used to read voraciously. A book was a gourmet meal. Back in middle school, I lived in the school library. I was the accelerated reader queen. I escaped to a world of orphaned children turned investigators, wizards and warlocks, escaped slaves, talking animals, knights and princesses. I soaked up words from the very fibers of a page like my life depended on it. I’m not sure when that all changed, but law school definitely made me never want to read anything but a trashy magazine with clipped horoscopes. That's definitely not the level of reading I groomed myself on. In many ways, I miss my younger self. She was so hungry to learn and know as much as she could about all sorts of things. She watched the History and Discovery channel like a hawk, from Jesus to the uncovering of ancient Egyptian history. I miss my nerdy self. It’s almost like something happens when you become an adult and a light dims, waiting until something sparks the flames again.

“Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives.”

The Alchemist was the first book on the book club’s list to read. I’ve never heard of this book until now. And since the universe conspired to bring me to it, I will keep it with me, turning back to it probably countless times so I don’t forget its many nuggets of wisdom as told through the story of Santiago. There was a word on every page. When I get a hard copy of the book, highlighting will do no good because the entire book will be highlighted from beginning to end on almost every page.

“Everything is written in the Soul of the World, and there it will stay forever.”

The wisdom is vast, but simple. Isn’t that the way wisdom works, though? The most profound concepts tend to be the simplest. Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart, for it knows your deepest desires. Don’t let fear keep you from following your dreams. Love will not hinder you from seeking your dreams….All simple, yet profound concepts. Adults make things so complicated. Why do we do that? I’m certainly guilty. Live in the now, but remember the lessons you learned along the way.

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”

And so, I’ve found myself in a rut. At a crossroad of sorts, but I always feel like I’m periodically at a crossroad in life, unclear of which way to go. The Alchemist talks of omens, reading and following them. I feel as if I passed one too many omens along the way and just didn’t realize what was staring me right in the face. I suppose it’s never too late to right the ship, but the problem is always knowing whether you’re steering in the right direction or if you’re only poking more holes into an already sinking ship. Is the uncertainty and the worrying about making the right decision actually fear in disguise?

“You will never be able to escape your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say.”

Dreams and wishes, wants and desires. I followed Santiago, envisioning myself. The question was one of staying with the status quo or taking a leap of faith and finding your treasure. If nothing else, I feel like I had an eccentric otherworldly experience while reading. The limitless feeling of possibility that grips you and fills your spirit quenches your soul and awakens in you a desire to do things you put off because the world says you can’t do it or have it all. Let the universe inspire you and follow where it leads you. The value in the reward is the richness of the journey along the way.

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

Maktub.   

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They’re Calling Me to Come Back...

I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that. And they wanna see me pick back up, well where’d I leave it at. – “Headlines” // Drake

 Tell me I don’t know myself lol I knoooow. It’s August and A LOT has transpired since March. I meant to write months ago. Life happened. I’m currently sitting in my office contemplating what life is with my two law partners just a few strides away. There’s nothing on my walls yet. I need an interior decorator. But I digress…new law firm! We’re taking off into the sunset. The ride is just getting started. I’m a ball of nervous energy, but God. And so I’m just going to ride this out.

The girls/birthday trip was in South Beach this year. Clearly we didn’t think that through as it was Memorial Day Weekend. There were so many people and so much ratchetness. Men, why would you follow 3 girls for over 3 blocks who aren’t acknowledging you at all? This happened…a few times. I was over it. We did find a great spot to eat on Lincoln Ave called 920 Grill. It was so good and the staff was awesome and so nice. Definitely eat there if you ever find yourself wandering around Lincoln Ave in Miami.

My birthday came and went. I miss the wholeness of being 30 #firstworldproblems Birthdays are like high school reunions. They’re celebrated every 5 to 10 years. My birthday will be special again when I turn 35. Until then, cheers to being blessed to see another year.

At the beginning of the year, I said I wanted to travel more and blog more and all that jazz. I’ve planned so many trips and I have to temper myself to not get too crazy with it. In the meantime, New York and Palm Springs are on Deck. Memphis, ATL, London, and Paris will soon follow.

It’s been an eventful 5 months, what with moving, starting a law office, planning and taking trips, meeting new friends. Life is zipping on by.  

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Life: The force from which we ebb & flow

 “I’m going on an adventure” – Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

On the last episode of the Days of Tifanee’s Life, we learned that I’m planning to take on the task of a travel blog.  I’m extremely excited about the concept. I’ve finally nailed down a name after agonizing over it for a week, but I’m pleased. I’ve already gotten my first draft of the first post. Now it’s just the other things that need to be dealt with, getting a domain, the design, etc. It’s all slowly coming together. It may be about a month or two, because I’m in the middle of apartment hunting/moving. I hate moving, but I hate my rent more, so, I’m moving, hopefully for the last time for more than a few years. Then, hopefully my travel adventures will start coming to life on virtual paper.

I'm bubbling with anticipation with another venture that is taking shape as I speak. There will be some sort of announcement in the coming months once everything becomes concrete. But I’m literally oozing with jubilation for where my career seems to be heading. Big things to come, I hope.

In the meantime…look at me updating! It didn’t take me months. Ha! I’m giving myself a pat on the back for that. Some semblance of consistency is the key here. Baby steps and I’m killing it with the progress thus far. Hashtag, feeling myself. #poseforthecamera

This path I’m on holds a lot of promise and hopefully a lot of success. Until next time…

Live like it’ll all be over tomorrow. 

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The Strange Case of Two Blogs and an Active Mind

“In the days before automobiles, people in horse-drawn wagons used to sleep if they were tired. They didn't worry about getting lost, because the horse knew the way home. Your heart knows the way to your gifts. You can trust it to take you to them.” 
― Barbara Sher, What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything?: A Revolutionary Programme For Doing Everything That You Love

Sometimes I wish I had a ying to my yang to contain the racing of my mind. When you have a mind that never rests and never ending thoughts that never cease, you’re bound to catch one of those elusive ideas and make it tangible and real, not just a figment of imagination. Sometimes I want to kick this lawyer thing, sell all my belongs and be a world citizen, coming and going from all the places that appear on bucket lists. A girl can dream.

While having a conversation with a colleague last week, I expressed a feeling of restlessness that was incessantly nagging on me, creeping into my subconscious mind, camping out in the corner, whispering for me to do things.

Start this…establish that…model here…act over there…travel to Peru and volunteer in a village…do EVERYTHING.

As a result of my midday conversation with said colleague, I may not be selling all my belongs, but I have decided to make a blog about travel and food. I would like to take submissions from my friends and hosts them on the blog as well as my own adventures.

It’s currently just a work in progress, but I’m already working on my first posts when I launch. After a slight ski fail in Colorado, I packed up and visited my friend DeShun in Las Vegas where we went….*gasp* skiing! I know, some of you are saying, “what? how?” And I will answer that when I launch the new blog that will be independent of this one.

The hurdle and struggle for me will be keeping up with both blogs. I haven’t written in my blog since December. Hopefully, I won’t fall into the business as usual model I’ve been practicing since I started blogging. I haven’t mastered the art of consistency for my personal blog, but maybe this new venture I’m starting will be the catalyst that reels me in. 

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Wanderlust Now, Wanderlust Forever

"Not all those who wander are lost."

-J.R.R. Tolkein, The Fellowship of the Ring

On Christmas morning, I woke up to an instagram notification on my phone from Raven, one of my awesome friends. She had tagged me on a Travel Noire picture. Although I missed out on the awesome travel deal for a plane ticket to Abu Dhabi, this was the beginning of a spark. It’s no secret that I have a love affair with travel. And although I feel like I neglect my inner nomad, I am determined to make 2015 a year of travel and it beginnings with a ski trip in Colorado January 1^st.

In the meantime, I have signed up for so many travel hack sites and newsletters, I’m bound to get to India sooner rather than later. Part of missing out on the Abu Dhabi deal was because I’m some what of a chicken when it comes to the idea of solo travel. That’s okay, I’m going to fix that real quick like! I had initially planned on St. Louis, but I’ve nixed that idea and now I’m full speed ahead to Boston! Yes, I’m pretty spastic and random at times…a lot of times. This is no different. I had an idea of a place, I changed my mind…go with it! Heck, I may end up somewhere else besides Boston. As long as I do it solo and get over the mountain of fear, that’s what matters.

There may be a NYC trip in between skiing and Boston. You never really know with me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I see google flights browsing in my 2015 future. God willing, I will have the most amazing year of my life in 2015, complete with ups and downs I’m sure.

The sky looks limitless and the possibilities endless.  

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See Me

The gods have smiled upon her.

Beauty wrapped inside her slight almond shaped eyes, framed by locks of women’s envy.

Fullness of luscious lips, stained with sweet kisses.

The shape of hours and glass that make men forget their sensibilities.

Colliding between her thighs, thighs of milk and honey.

The gods have truly smiled upon her.

And that’s why they don’t really see me.

Words of philosophy, theory, education, and intelligence lure her senses born from her thirsty mind.

Always moving, like waves of water, fluid; never satiated, crammed with details, indulged with revelations from letters strung together with grace and allure.

When she opens her mouth, they spill from those glossy lips quenching embers of fire ignited again by conversation’s stimulation.

But the gods have smiled upon her. Beautiful as she is.

That’s why they don’t really see me.

Hanging shingles keep her lights on.

Strength and struggle knocking on her windows breed skilled determination.

Talent builds on the blind scales of Lady Justice.

It’s the people she works doggedly for.

Sultry eyes, pouty lips, curves they say that withstand the aging hands of time.

The gods have smiled upon her.

That’s why they don’t really see me.

Hollow eyes cry hollow tears creating flashy hollow smiles in irrelevant faces, faces that see skin deep.

Flawless hues and excellent shoe game.

Pencil skirts with matching heels showing legs for days because that’s the most important.

Unrealized dreams hide in dark corners of the soul hidden behind hollow eyes.

Fear of the unattained plagues her mind.

But, why? They wonder.

For, truly, the gods have smiled upon her.

That’s why they don’t really see me.

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Cloak of Invisibility

I can fake a smile. I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part, if that’s what you ask. Give you all I am.  – “Human” by Christina Perri

Hide it so well

Hide it behind a wink and a smile

Hold it in, don’t let it out

Hold it all, stand big and tall

Played them all, you played the role so perfectly

Confidence, they say

She has it all

So cocky, so snooty, so mightier than thou 

Oh how so Queen of Sheba she is

So wrong they all were

As you cracked and crumbled inside your soul

Blinded by their sensibilities

Guided by the view of vanity

They failed to see that you were

Desperately clinging to their rose colored view

Plagued by what they didn’t see

In your eyes so clearly lay the world

For which you couldn’t please

Cloaked in your false imagery

Confidence and strength

Invisible to the untrained eye

Drained by insecurity

Haunted by insecurity

Anchored by insecurity

Drowned by…insecurity 

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Continua...No Flawless

I woke up like this. I woke up like this…

Sometimes I have epiphanies. And I think to myself, "whoa." It's like the universe in all its glorious wonder is spilling the secrets of life to me, understanding at my fingertips. Or maybe I'm just a little unhinged. *shrugs*

I can definitely be jealous. I felt it today. I'm not possessive, but I can be territorial. And it doesn't have to be anything major either, just a couple words could bring out the narrowing of the eyes. 

It's always weird when I feel jealousy snake it's way up my limbs, seeping into my mind, especially when it's behind someone I might be catching feelings for. Social media is the bane of relationships. I'm convinced. It can get you caught up so fast, you get whiplash and you're left in a daze, wondering what the heck just happened. I mean, it was just a stupid "like". It doesn't mean diddly squat. Except....for when it does mean something...right?  

I try not to assume anything because assumptions are pretty much a chunk of what's wrong with the world today and probably since the beginning of time, but it's so easy to slip into them. Jealousy is a hot headed mistress. How can you be jealous when something isn't even yours yet or not at all? It's soooo possible though. Perplexing, but so very possible.

I can definitely be stubborn. That's not always a bad thing. If someone tells you that you can't succeed, but you're just stubborn enough, you have the audacity to keep trying until you do. Well, that's not a bad use for stubborn. Having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially when you don't want to change that attitude or position because of some sneaky little wisp of jealousy seductively whispering in your ear? Not so good. What a conundrum. 

Who really has it in them to look at the man in the mirror without cringing, even just a little bit?

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Flaws and All

I’m a train wreck in the morning

I’m a bitch in the afternoon

Every now and then without warning

I can be really mean towards you…

I may not be the biggest fan of Bey, but this song used to be on repeat for me in my times of solitude and reflection. Just…something about the words, the message resonated with me. I am by no means, nor will I ever have cause to be considered perfect. I have and will make mistakes for the rest of my life. And I think I’m almost to the point where I’m content in knowing that. I feel like I’m a different person somehow. I don’t know if that’s because of what I’ve been through these last few years or not, but I know I am. I almost feel like I have a harder exterior shell, more of a chip on my shoulder, more skepticism at times. Is this the stage of transformation? And when will the godforsaken thing be over with so I can get back to being me?

I took the Myers-Briggs personality not too long ago. Hi, I'm ENTP. And you? If you do the one with the Star Wars characters, I'm R2 D2, the inventor. Seems pretty awesome, but as with everything, there's a few downsides.

I’m a puzzle yes in deed

Ever complex in every way

And all the pieces aren’t even in the box

And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

I don’t know why you love me…

Apparently ENTPs “are very rational and do not see much value in emotions or emotional arguments. Consequently, they are great when it comes to logical thinking, but they are likely to have difficulties in the emotional area. ENTPs’ confidence and keen sense of humor are usually very attractive, but they can easily (and often inadvertently) hurt an individual belonging to a different personality type.”

To me, that blows. Who wants to be told they're basically emotionless? It’s not that I don’t see value in emotions and emotional “arguments” (whatever that entails), I just don’t know how to express them. I find it hard to explain how I feel, to be vulnerable enough to the degree emotions require. There is some level of vulnerability where emotions are concerned. There’s no denying that. You can tell a lot about someone by their emotions. What buttons trigger certain reactions, what a person cares about, what a person is passionate about, what interest or doesn’t interest a person, etc. I don’t trust others to be genuine. I need to be able to trusts and it’s just been violated more times than I care to talk about.

You catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that’s why I love you…

So what’s the flaw or flaws? Being extremely rational at the expense of emotional attachment? Being afraid of emotions? Being afraid to express them? All of the above? Something else? Maybe all of it and more, perhaps, I’m sure.

How’s this for flaws? One of my friends calls me twitchy because my attention span is the size of a peanut. I’m all over the place in my thoughts. I can’t even keep up with my writing. I told myself I would write at least once a month. It’s gonna be May…lol right. My thoughts exactly. Fail. I have 8 more months to do better, though, starting with today.

To me, the interesting main character is never the one without flaws

– J.J. Abrams

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To Infinity and Beyond

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. – Confucius

Happy New Year! December 31, 2013 was an unconventional New Year’s Eve for me. I watched football and honestly…it was fantastic. Watching my alma mater win in the Chik-fil-a Bowl was satisfying and even if they had lost, it was a heck of a game. I could have been cliché and gone out somewhere to a club or party, but I was content to watch a football game. The only thing that could have made it better was actually being in Atlanta to witness the game live.

2013

The fall started back in 2011. It was like flying and then having your wings clipped. A sudden drop that ends with a crash. The year started out great and then it all spiraled down and ended in flames. 2012 was a period of rebuilding. It was difficult, hopeful and heart breaking, promising and disappointing. I spent a lot of time feeling lost and unsure. Job hunting was brutal. There’s always someone wanting to tell you who you are and what you stand for, what you should be doing and where you’re heading. The only sure thing about me is that I went to law school because I want to be a judge and I was nothing but ambitious with my sight set on being an appellate judge some day. The only thing that stood in my way was being a lawyer. I did that.

My area of choice was, is, and will probably continue to be criminal law. I haven’t swayed. I’ve been an ADA and a defense attorney. I’ve been told I’m defense minded and then I was told I’m pro State. Well, guess what? I’m neither. I’m for justice. I want Prosecutors to do their job and that isn’t solely to send people to jail. Make the punishment fit the crime. As a defense attorney, my job is to hold prosecutors to that and make sure they don’t abuse the discretion that they have. It’s that simple and no matter what side I’m on, I will do my job to the best of my abilities.

I’m not perfect and I’m not beyond making mistakes, but I will never again let someone define me. I won’t allow someone to break me down again, making me forget that I’m capable. I paid my dues to get my JD. I clerked for judges and practiced my last year with a 3^rd year bar card. I passed the bar and got my license. I define myself and how people perceive that is just something I’m going to have to learn to deal with. Jesus take the wheel.

He guides me. I just need to follow no matter what roadblocks appear along the way. Life is ups and downs, lows and highs. It’s always been that way and it will always be that way. Life is different only in how we individually deal with the things that happen.  

2014

I hit a milestone this year. Thanks to Jay-Z, 30’s the new 20. I hear the 30’s are some of the best years of your life. I intend on making the best of it. I want to live fully. I’m going in like Nike. Just do it. No more making excuses for why this can’t happen or why this hasn’t happened. I’m just going to live and do it. I want to look back and say I did things I wanted to do when I had the chance. I traveled when I could. I took chances when I was scared. I loved even when it wasn’t returned. I was happy and I loved myself.

What’s a life if you’re not living it? Here’s to 2014 and living.

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30 Days of Thankfulness in Reverse

It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.

- Unknown

Last month, I joined in on Facebook with all others who were doing 30 days of thanks. The following are the things I was thankful for in the moment. Reading back over them is like some weird window into my being. It’s kind of unnerving. I have these moments of clarity when I read over something I’ve written. I call it weird because it’s unnerving when you can understand pieces of yourself and see them so clearly. But I digress…

Day 30: I'm thankful for having safe traveling grace on the trips I've taken.

Day 29: Naps. I took a nap today after temporary insanity set in and I shopped last night and this morning. That feeling you have when you wake up from a nap is a tiny bit of euphoria.

Day 28: Family, family, family. Enough said.

Day 27: I feel like my giving, compassionate nature, empathy, and kindness at heart can sometimes lead to other people taking advantage of that or using me for their own benefit. But, it has allowed me to build relationships with fantastic friends that I love so much. I can't wait to get home to see my people! Some of us are coming from out of town and others never left, but I shall see as many people as I can!

Day 26: Variety. Life would be dull without it. I can't be put in a box. That's probably why I feel like I can't figure myself out at times. My likes and interest vary all the time. Variety is the spice of life. Here's some food for thought

Day 25: Cooking. I know how to do it. Let the church say...Amen!

Day 24: Thankful that I can laugh through a lot of stuff. Otherwise, I think I'd be consumed by despair, grief, hurt, and sadness

Day 23: My life could be bad, but it's not. Thank God for that. It's freezing outside and I could be under a bridge....let that sink in

Day 22: I'm thankful I work. I don't know how people don't work. I would be bored out of my mind and restless. There's only so much tv and internet surfing you can do before you start to lose your mind.

Day 21: Gifts of talent bestowed upon others. The world is full of people who create the most beautiful, inspiring, emotional, and imaginative pieces of art in the form of paintings, pictures, movies, books, and music. I'm thankful for these people's gifts and that they share them with us daily.

Day 20: Thankful that there are people I interact with daily that I can hold intelligent conversations with

Day 19: Thankful for knowing what's important in life. Remember. Don't forget. Tomorrow is not promised. Don't be too busy for God, family and friends. Cherish all moments.

Day 18: Adaptability. The ability to maintain one's self in a multitude of situations without having a nervous breakdown

Day 17: I'm thankful for a strong, determined spirit. I will not let anyone or anything drag me down and keep me from what God has for me. If He is truly the leader of your life, all things will fall into place. If He's not, you will forever find yourself in situations that do nothing but keep you down and out.

Day 16: Though they may try and walk all over you, use you and treat you badly, persist in doing kind things for others. It makes your heart glad.

Day 15: I'm not who I used to be, but I'm not who I will be, yet

Day 14: I am easily amused. I love to laugh and laughing keeps you from getting too far into negativity. I don't stay down for long and I have my sense of humor to thank for that.

Day 13: I'm thankful that I've been taught how to improvise and figure out how to solve problems when they come

Day 12: Deliver us from losers. And I've been delivered every time

Day 11: I'm thankful for the freedom that has been given, protected by others who don't even know I exist

Day 10: At times, being able to get over anger as quickly as it comes

Day 9: I'm thankful that I am in a position to splurge on my parents.

Day 8: I am eternally thankful for my upbringing. Not everyone grows up in a comfortable environment.

Day 7: I am OH so thankful for Scandal. And that's not EVEN a joke.

Day 6: As much as I always joke about being in the wrong profession, I'm thankful for what I do

Day 5: I am thankful for the people that I call friends. They are a lively bunch and everyone has different personalities and opinions, but they have always had my back and I know I can count on them just like family

Day 4: I am thankful to be able to maintain a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly

Day 3: I'm thankful that He always makes a way out of no way, especially when I'm the reason that there's suddenly no way.

Day 1 and 2: I'm thankful for my health and also for my mom and dad

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