"Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven" – Matthew 18: 21-22
If you’ll turn in your Bibles with me to Matthew chapter 18....
The chapter must be read in its entirety. Jesus let us know in verse 35 that
our Father would deal with us in the same way as the unforgiving servant. I am
by no means a theology expert, but let’s break this down. The King in this
chapter represents God and the servant represents people. There are a lot of
nuances in this chapter and you could miss something if you gloss over it.
Understand that the servant owed the King an amount of money
that he would never be able to repay in his lifetime. The servant not only
asked the King for mercy, but declared he would pay the debt back IN FULL. Say
what? The servant owed the King 10,000 talents. Those who have researched what
the modern day equivalent of this is ranges from 3 billion to
approximately 150,000 years of an average person’s salary. Like I said, I’m no
scholar in this area, but the point is that it was more money than even Oprah
has. The servant knew he wouldn’t be able to repay this and yet, he tells the King
he will. What does that sound like? How many times has someone done something
to you or have you done someone else wrong and instead of admitting you’re
wrong or telling the truth, you persist in wronging the other person or that
person still wrongs you? But I digress…
This servant is owed 100 denarii by another servant. This
amounts anywhere from $1,000 to about 4 months of an average person’s salary.
The servant demands his 100 denarii, but the other servant asks for mercy and
says he will pay the debt in full. The servant refuses and has the man thrown
into jail. But…wait a minute? Didn’t the servant just have his impossible debt
cancelled out by the King? And now he is refusing to forgive a debt that by the
same standards is pennies compared to what he owed? How had he treated this man
that had wronged him? He choked him, demanded what was owed, and then threw the
man in jail. Had he forgotten the mercy that was shown to him?
When word got back to the King what the servant he had
forgiven had done to another, the King was angered and turned the servant over
to the jailers to be tortured until he had repaid the debt.
Forgiveness. Ladies and gents, we are not perfect beings. We
are human and it is instinctual to seek revenge and hold grudges. How could any
of us possibly suffer through the deliberate pain inflicted upon us by others?
What about betrayal? Or people who use others for their personal gain and then
cast them aside like yesterday’s old news? People can be downright hurtful,
hateful, and just plain nasty to each other. We’re told to forgive them. I know
this to be difficult firsthand. Do you not think it was difficult for God to
watch his Son be destroyed by the people He loved? Can we ever repay that debt
to Him?
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." – Matthew 5:23-24
Forgiveness. Why do we forgive? Imagine how you feel when
you’re in an unforgiving mood. Do you feel happy-go-lucky? Do you feel light as
a feather? Do you feel like skipping through the meadows with singing birds and
forest animals like Snow White? Probably not. Stressed comes to mind. Angry and
frustrated. Sorrowful for yourself, maybe with tears. Grumpy even. Overly
serious all the time. And don’t think those around you don’t notice that either
when a transgression is brought up in conversation. I think maintaining
forgiveness is a daily struggle. You have to be prayed up. That doesn’t mean
you won’t have those feelings, but don’t be 75 years old still hating a kid you
never even saw again after high school for bullying you or using a racial slur
or breaking your heart. You get the point. I think the hardest people to
forgive are those that are closer to you. When someone you love hurts you, it
cuts deep, like an open wound that never quite heals. If you threw salt on the
wound, no matter how old it gets, it flairs up again. When we forgive, it
releases those untreatable wounds to God. Let go, Let God. The battle is not
yours, it’s the Lords. Turn the problem (person) over to God. Let him take that
burden from you and lift you from despair and hatred. So easy, yet this more
than anything else is what we all struggle with. Remember, you are just as
capable of hurting someone as the person who has hurt you.
Forgiveness. If you’ve ever been hurt by someone so deeply
that thoughts of them throws you into an emotional turmoil that could lead down
a very dark road, then you know forgiving is one of the hardest things we could
ever do. Why? Because we don’t forget. Most of us are not immune to emotional
pain although there are a lot of people who can hide it. Forgiving doesn’t mean
we forget, but it does mean that we don’t hold a grudge. We don’t seek out revenge.
We don’t plot someone’s demise. We forgive and move on even though we will
never forget. That’s a hard pill to swallow depending on what the situation is.
This doesn’t mean that you just allow someone to continue to walk all over you
or that you keep a bad apple in your life. You can let that person and that
situation drift away, but you forgive them on their way out of your life.
What I’m beginning to understand is that we are not intended
to be divided, but together fashioning after the unconditional love that has
been divinely bestowed upon us. Reconciliation is ideal, but what about when
you can’t? I think the idea is to truly release those situations and people,
forgiveness. If you and that person can move on from it, great. Don’t get too
bogged down in the simplicity and let’s use some common sense. No one would
advise a battered woman to return to her abuser. But after having gone through a
situation like that, how much resentment and hate could be festering? It’ll
take time to heal, but you have to learn to forgive to free yourself from the
hold of that bad place. Resentment can be a powerful thing, if you let it. I’ve
struggled with that too.
I will tell you that it’s taken almost 3 weeks for me to
finally start and finish this. It has been heavily on my heart for some time now.
I would write, erase, start again, and at times feel the familiar prickle and
sting in my eyes of tears unshed. I haven’t forgiven my brother and I have to
admit that I can go from zero to a hundred when I think about everything he’s
put my parents through and then now, be so ungrateful and selfish. One thing
you don’t do is mess with my parents. I’ll go all out for them and I don’t care
who you are. Don’t mess with my folks. They’re my heart, but I can’t have this
heaviness on me. How much torture have I endured already for this
unforgiveness? And what about my last job? Past broken friendships and
relationships? How much have I already missed out on until I embraced the
parable of the unforgiving servant? This isn’t an overnight fix. When your
heart has been hardened for so long, it can take time to just…let it go. I’m
working on it.