I’m a bitch
in the afternoon
Every now and
then without warning
I can be
really mean towards you…
I may not be the biggest fan of Bey,
but this song used to be on repeat for me in my times of solitude and
reflection. Just…something about the words, the message resonated with me. I am
by no means, nor will I ever have cause to be considered perfect. I have and will make
mistakes for the rest of my life. And I think I’m almost to the point where I’m
content in knowing that. I feel like I’m a different person somehow. I don’t
know if that’s because of what I’ve been through these last few years or not,
but I know I am. I almost feel like I have a harder exterior shell, more of a
chip on my shoulder, more skepticism at times. Is this the stage of
transformation? And when will the godforsaken thing be over with so I can get
back to being me?
I took the Myers-Briggs personality not too long ago. Hi, I'm ENTP. And you? If you do the one with the Star Wars characters, I'm R2 D2, the inventor. Seems pretty awesome, but as with everything, there's a few downsides.
I’m a puzzle yes in
deed
Ever complex in every
way
And all the pieces
aren’t even in the box
And yet, you see the
picture clear as day.
I don’t know why you
love me…
Apparently ENTPs “are very rational and do not see much value in emotions or
emotional arguments. Consequently, they are great when it comes to logical
thinking, but they are likely to have difficulties in the emotional area.
ENTPs’ confidence and keen sense of humor are usually very attractive, but they
can easily (and often inadvertently) hurt an individual belonging to a
different personality type.”
To me, that blows. Who wants to be told they're basically
emotionless? It’s not that I don’t see value in emotions and emotional “arguments”
(whatever that entails), I just don’t know how to express them. I find it hard
to explain how I feel, to be vulnerable enough to the degree emotions require.
There is some level of vulnerability where emotions are concerned. There’s no
denying that. You can tell a lot about someone by their emotions. What buttons
trigger certain reactions, what a person cares about, what a person is
passionate about, what interest or doesn’t interest a person, etc. I don’t
trust others to be genuine. I need to be able to trusts and it’s just been
violated more times than I care to talk about.
You catch me
when I fall
Accept me
flaws and all
And that’s
why I love you…
So what’s the flaw or flaws? Being extremely rational at the
expense of emotional attachment? Being afraid of emotions? Being afraid to
express them? All of the above? Something else? Maybe all of it and more,
perhaps, I’m sure.
How’s this for flaws? One of my friends calls me twitchy
because my attention span is the size of a peanut. I’m all over the place in my
thoughts. I can’t even keep up with my writing. I told myself I would write at
least once a month. It’s gonna be May…lol right. My thoughts exactly. Fail. I
have 8 more months to do better, though, starting with today.
To me, the interesting
main character is never the one without flaws
– J.J. Abrams